here's a cool game i played today. look around the room and find something green. now, close your eyes. tell me something in the room that is red. not easy, is it?
because when you are focused on one thing, you tend to block everything else out.
here's another game. i will name 10 random things: a penny; feet; tricycle; tires; baseball glove; snake; dice; ice skates; a cat; and bowling pins. now, without looking, try to name them all back. impossible? not at all -- it's very simple, actually.
today i went to a community conference for parents of schoolchildren, and attended three seminars (of my choice) designed to help me with my kids. but the truth is, these same principles can be applied to most any life or relationship.
as for the random 10 things -- and by the way, my kids loved this game once i explained it to them -- it's all memorization by association. a penny is ONE cent; you have TWO feet; a tricycle has THREE wheels; a car has FOUR tires; a baseball glove has FIVE fingers; a snake can twist into a number SIX; the dice spin lucky SEVEN; ice skates form a figure EIGHT; a cat has NINE lives; there are TEN bowling pins.
the last seminar i went to was beyond stellar. the speaker had me at hello. she was so fascinating, and so engaging, all i could think of was, how could i possibly spend more time with this woman? could i call her up and take her to lunch? because i really think she can answer every question i have ever had in my life.
first of all, she was tiny and blonde, very striking, and she used to be a police officer. come again? then, she worked in a prison for 12- to 18-year-old boys. yes, a prison. and she said she chose boys because the girl inmates were too mean.
next, she and her husband went on to foster 16 at-risk teenage girls in their home. she home-schooled her own children plus seven others. clearly, this is not a woman who is afraid of a little conflict.
one of the first questions she asked brought tears to my eyes. "what do you want walking out your door at 18?" in other words, do you want a self-sufficient person? or do you want to see "entitlement-itis" walking out?
i never felt entitled, but i most certainly was not self-sufficient when i left for college. when i got to the dorm, one of my childhood friends led me to the laundry room and showed me how to measure detergent. and it would be years later that i learned to separate lights from darks. also, more famously, i once stuck a wendy's burger wrapped in that silver foil into the dorm microwave. i had no idea you couldn't do that. because do you know what happens? flames happen. that's what.
she also spoke of the importance of letting kids fail under the safety net of your home. don't nag them to do their homework. let them show up without it and see what happens. (yeah... i haven't quite mastered that one.)
last year, i told my 10-year-old that he could decide if he wanted a nice gift for his birthday, or a party. i said, you have $200 to work with. (because lord knows, a bowling party or laser tag party with several of their friends will cost at least that.) so he naively decides that he would like a couple gifts, but would also like to play laser tag and have a sleepover with a few of his friends.
my mental calculator is much faster than his, and it's clear this will push it over $200. but i say nothing. i ask him to call the laser place, get prices, factor in pizza and drinks for that night, and also the price of the gifts he'd like to have.
a few days later, he looks crestfallen. he has figured out that these things he wants cannot be had for $200. i feel a pang of sympathy, then recall (out loud) that i only had one big birthday party growing up, as did most of the kids in my neighborhood. back in the days before parents had lost their minds.
he ended up having three boys over to spend the night. pizza, wii games, a late movie. to me, this is what a party should be. doable. we are not keeping up with the kardashians here.
anyhoo, back to the speaker lady. she encouraged us to get our kids to keep gratitude journals, and victory journals, and to write "101 wishes." this last one is where you brainstorm and write down 101 things that you really want, the first 30 or so of which come quickly and easily. then you start to have to think. that's when you get to the real stuff.
words are powerful things. and when you write them down, magical things can happen. years ago, i made a wish list. with pictures. i was very specific with what i wanted. every single "wish" came true, down to the picture of the two-story red brick house, which looks remarkably similar to the one we live in now.
anyway, here's the best part. i almost didn't go to this last seminar. then, i almost didn't fill out a door prize card. then, i almost left when she was done reading the winners. but something made me stay. then she realized she hadn't drawn for the grand prize, the winner of two private sessions with THIS MAGICAL WOMAN. want to guess whose name she read? that's right.
and just so you know, i had visualized having her all to myself.