30 days of gratitude

i have challenged myself to think of 30 things i am grateful for, this being the month of november and having 30 days. luckily, i was brought up by a grateful mother, who always saw a cup half full. and besides, what do you need with a full cup anyway? it'll just make you have to pee sooner.

1. my parents. while my dad has been gone from this world now for quite some time, he was the pipe-smokingest, newspaper-readingest, glasses perched on the nose, most non-b.s. man you could ever hope to meet. he called a spade a spade and urged me to do the same. you don't like him? ask him if he cared. my mother... see above. she is love incarnate.

2. my papa. i had three grandparents that i knew and loved, but he was by far my favorite. he'd kick me under the table playing dominoes. he'd drive me to the store and let go of the wheel so i would laugh. he called me miss hollywood. he made me feel beautiful, like a grandpa should.

3. my kids. i thought i was born to be the mother of girls, but god had other plans for me. turns out, girls would have worked my last nerve. these boys... their price is far above rubies. when i mess up a meal, like i did last night, they tell me the recipe lied. that the pictures are fake. that it smelled good. that really, i am the best cook they know. which, really, is quite sad.

4. my husband. besides being a very kind person, he's funny and even-tempered. all traits that age well.

5. my health. a neighbor -- a mom at school, has lost both her lower legs in the past year to gangrene and health complications. we used to sit outside together, walk our kids home from school. life can change quickly, on a dime sometimes. a body that can move, no matter its size or proportions, is a thing of beauty.

6. paid-for cars. i quickly got over the notion of having/needing/wanting a new car every 4-5 years. and i can promise you that though our cars may not be the newest, they are the cleanest. well. maybe not my husband's.

7. my home. and i love it not for what it looks like, but for what it represents. safety. security. a shelter from the storm.

8. vacations. planning them... taking them... i think travel is good for the soul. and i always feel a little closer to god when i'm staring at an ocean, or watching silent snow fall, or driving pretty much anywhere in new england, or even looking at that magnificent christmas tree in rockefeller center in new york.

9. my friends. growing up i was always kind of a one-best-friend-and-i'm-good type girl. but i haven't had a "bestie" for years. now i have different friends for different things. and i love them all.

10. whataburger. what, you thought this whole thing was going to be deep? i love the orange and whiteness of it all, but seriously, who does a better burger than whataburger? no one, that's who.

11. quiet. i love quiet mornings, after the kids have ridden their bikes off to school, husband has left for work, dog has retired to her cozy spot to sleep. no quiet buzz of a distant tv or game. no fridge opening and closing and opening and closing. just stillness.

12. chaos. i love occasional chaos. it makes me laugh. like at holidays, or at friends' houses who have more kids and pets, and there's a dozen conversations, a couple of crises or crying kids, someone else's dog just ran into your house, someone just dropped a juicy morsel of gossip.

13. a bathtub, a diet coke, and a new magazine. i will see you in two hours.

14. steak. anytime. anywhere.

15. teachers. their job is repetitive, and challenging, and crucial. there was one teacher, a class favorite, who came to see my son play baseball. he was so nervous you would have thought the most beautiful girl in the world was watching him. and in his eyes, she was. (and for the record, she has gray hair and is a grandmother. but she totally rocks.)

16. good smells. campfire. candles. banana bread. magic marker. oops, did i say that out loud?

17. chocolate. especially the bite-size reese's peanut butter cups in a bag big enough for me to share a few, then hide the rest for whenever i really truly need it. which will be soon, very soon.

18. birds that sing cheery little songs.

19. pretty people. yes, it's shallow, maybe it's stupid, but i don't care. i like to look at 'em.

20. earth, the planet. as seen from space or the moon or a satellite. it's such a pretty blue and green ball, so majestic just floating there.

21. lyle lovett, aggies, longhorns, and texas. and chile con queso. and not necessarily in that order.

22. the harry potter books. because not only did they foster in both my kids a love of reading, but they detail love and loss, and good and evil, in a way that transcends age.

23. funny. funny blogs like notes from the trenches. funny tv like modern family. funny people like kathy griffin.

24. new england. i like how you can drive across three states in two hours time. i like the covered bridges. i like walden pond. i like boston and harvard and people ice-skating on ponds, even though i never did that.




25. really sharp pencils with full erasers.

26. music. and especially listening to the same song over and over and over again.

27. people who do their jobs well and cheerfully. but i would take cheerful over well because you can always train them to do better. you can't teach cheer.

28. twinkle lights.

29. deer. they are beautiful and vulnerable and fragile. and no, i do not want to eat them.

30. sleep. i always underestimate just how awesome it is.

halloweenies

mummifying the dog was quickly abandoned...




in favor of mummifying the 7-year-old...





...who was a much more willing participant.




the girls are always so cute, and so happy, before the boys show up...




when mustard got out of the car, hotdog said, "ben! thank goodness you're here! you make no sense without the rest of us," to which ben replied, "i know, right?!"




there were lots o' neighborhood kids at my friend's party this year, and my fave was the girl rapper in the yellow jersey, fifth or so from the left. i am going as that next year. or maybe not.




here's the moms. we are cool. we do not dress for halloween. we take pictures and drink red champagne slushies. so much so that we forget to take a picture of the dads. whoops.




cutest hobo you've never seen:




these girls, some kind of twist on goth supergirl -- we found them dancing alone an hour later in front of their house. there was no music. there was only sugar high.




this is before some of us lost our children...




i know twister, but i have no idea who these other kids are. they're just cute. and i'm a mom with a camera.




this is my skeleton and his best bud, pirate man.




yes, by the end of the night, we were wearing our buckets on our heads...



happy halloween!

door prize

here's a cool game i played today. look around the room and find something green. now, close your eyes. tell me something in the room that is red. not easy, is it?

because when you are focused on one thing, you tend to block everything else out.

here's another game. i will name 10 random things: a penny; feet; tricycle; tires; baseball glove; snake; dice; ice skates; a cat; and bowling pins. now, without looking, try to name them all back. impossible? not at all -- it's very simple, actually.

today i went to a community conference for parents of schoolchildren, and attended three seminars (of my choice) designed to help me with my kids. but the truth is, these same principles can be applied to most any life or relationship.

as for the random 10 things -- and by the way, my kids loved this game once i explained it to them -- it's all memorization by association. a penny is ONE cent; you have TWO feet; a tricycle has THREE wheels; a car has FOUR tires; a baseball glove has FIVE fingers; a snake can twist into a number SIX; the dice spin lucky SEVEN; ice skates form a figure EIGHT; a cat has NINE lives; there are TEN bowling pins.

the last seminar i went to was beyond stellar. the speaker had me at hello. she was so fascinating, and so engaging, all i could think of was, how could i possibly spend more time with this woman? could i call her up and take her to lunch? because i really think she can answer every question i have ever had in my life.

first of all, she was tiny and blonde, very striking, and she used to be a police officer. come again? then, she worked in a prison for 12- to 18-year-old boys. yes, a prison. and she said she chose boys because the girl inmates were too mean.

next, she and her husband went on to foster 16 at-risk teenage girls in their home. she home-schooled her own children plus seven others. clearly, this is not a woman who is afraid of a little conflict.

one of the first questions she asked brought tears to my eyes. "what do you want walking out your door at 18?" in other words, do you want a self-sufficient person? or do you want to see "entitlement-itis" walking out?

i never felt entitled, but i most certainly was not self-sufficient when i left for college. when i got to the dorm, one of my childhood friends led me to the laundry room and showed me how to measure detergent. and it would be years later that i learned to separate lights from darks. also, more famously, i once stuck a wendy's burger wrapped in that silver foil into the dorm microwave. i had no idea you couldn't do that. because do you know what happens? flames happen. that's what.

she also spoke of the importance of letting kids fail under the safety net of your home. don't nag them to do their homework. let them show up without it and see what happens. (yeah... i haven't quite mastered that one.)

last year, i told my 10-year-old that he could decide if he wanted a nice gift for his birthday, or a party. i said, you have $200 to work with. (because lord knows, a bowling party or laser tag party with several of their friends will cost at least that.) so he naively decides that he would like a couple gifts, but would also like to play laser tag and have a sleepover with a few of his friends.

my mental calculator is much faster than his, and it's clear this will push it over $200. but i say nothing. i ask him to call the laser place, get prices, factor in pizza and drinks for that night, and also the price of the gifts he'd like to have.

a few days later, he looks crestfallen. he has figured out that these things he wants cannot be had for $200. i feel a pang of sympathy, then recall (out loud) that i only had one big birthday party growing up, as did most of the kids in my neighborhood. back in the days before parents had lost their minds.

he ended up having three boys over to spend the night. pizza, wii games, a late movie. to me, this is what a party should be. doable. we are not keeping up with the kardashians here.

anyhoo, back to the speaker lady. she encouraged us to get our kids to keep gratitude journals, and victory journals, and to write "101 wishes." this last one is where you brainstorm and write down 101 things that you really want, the first 30 or so of which come quickly and easily. then you start to have to think. that's when you get to the real stuff.

words are powerful things. and when you write them down, magical things can happen. years ago, i made a wish list. with pictures. i was very specific with what i wanted. every single "wish" came true, down to the picture of the two-story red brick house, which looks remarkably similar to the one we live in now.

anyway, here's the best part. i almost didn't go to this last seminar. then, i almost didn't fill out a door prize card. then, i almost left when she was done reading the winners. but something made me stay. then she realized she hadn't drawn for the grand prize, the winner of two private sessions with THIS MAGICAL WOMAN. want to guess whose name she read? that's right.

and just so you know, i had visualized having her all to myself.