halloweenies

mummifying the dog was quickly abandoned...




in favor of mummifying the 7-year-old...





...who was a much more willing participant.




the girls are always so cute, and so happy, before the boys show up...




when mustard got out of the car, hotdog said, "ben! thank goodness you're here! you make no sense without the rest of us," to which ben replied, "i know, right?!"




there were lots o' neighborhood kids at my friend's party this year, and my fave was the girl rapper in the yellow jersey, fifth or so from the left. i am going as that next year. or maybe not.




here's the moms. we are cool. we do not dress for halloween. we take pictures and drink red champagne slushies. so much so that we forget to take a picture of the dads. whoops.




cutest hobo you've never seen:




these girls, some kind of twist on goth supergirl -- we found them dancing alone an hour later in front of their house. there was no music. there was only sugar high.




this is before some of us lost our children...




i know twister, but i have no idea who these other kids are. they're just cute. and i'm a mom with a camera.




this is my skeleton and his best bud, pirate man.




yes, by the end of the night, we were wearing our buckets on our heads...



happy halloween!

door prize

here's a cool game i played today. look around the room and find something green. now, close your eyes. tell me something in the room that is red. not easy, is it?

because when you are focused on one thing, you tend to block everything else out.

here's another game. i will name 10 random things: a penny; feet; tricycle; tires; baseball glove; snake; dice; ice skates; a cat; and bowling pins. now, without looking, try to name them all back. impossible? not at all -- it's very simple, actually.

today i went to a community conference for parents of schoolchildren, and attended three seminars (of my choice) designed to help me with my kids. but the truth is, these same principles can be applied to most any life or relationship.

as for the random 10 things -- and by the way, my kids loved this game once i explained it to them -- it's all memorization by association. a penny is ONE cent; you have TWO feet; a tricycle has THREE wheels; a car has FOUR tires; a baseball glove has FIVE fingers; a snake can twist into a number SIX; the dice spin lucky SEVEN; ice skates form a figure EIGHT; a cat has NINE lives; there are TEN bowling pins.

the last seminar i went to was beyond stellar. the speaker had me at hello. she was so fascinating, and so engaging, all i could think of was, how could i possibly spend more time with this woman? could i call her up and take her to lunch? because i really think she can answer every question i have ever had in my life.

first of all, she was tiny and blonde, very striking, and she used to be a police officer. come again? then, she worked in a prison for 12- to 18-year-old boys. yes, a prison. and she said she chose boys because the girl inmates were too mean.

next, she and her husband went on to foster 16 at-risk teenage girls in their home. she home-schooled her own children plus seven others. clearly, this is not a woman who is afraid of a little conflict.

one of the first questions she asked brought tears to my eyes. "what do you want walking out your door at 18?" in other words, do you want a self-sufficient person? or do you want to see "entitlement-itis" walking out?

i never felt entitled, but i most certainly was not self-sufficient when i left for college. when i got to the dorm, one of my childhood friends led me to the laundry room and showed me how to measure detergent. and it would be years later that i learned to separate lights from darks. also, more famously, i once stuck a wendy's burger wrapped in that silver foil into the dorm microwave. i had no idea you couldn't do that. because do you know what happens? flames happen. that's what.

she also spoke of the importance of letting kids fail under the safety net of your home. don't nag them to do their homework. let them show up without it and see what happens. (yeah... i haven't quite mastered that one.)

last year, i told my 10-year-old that he could decide if he wanted a nice gift for his birthday, or a party. i said, you have $200 to work with. (because lord knows, a bowling party or laser tag party with several of their friends will cost at least that.) so he naively decides that he would like a couple gifts, but would also like to play laser tag and have a sleepover with a few of his friends.

my mental calculator is much faster than his, and it's clear this will push it over $200. but i say nothing. i ask him to call the laser place, get prices, factor in pizza and drinks for that night, and also the price of the gifts he'd like to have.

a few days later, he looks crestfallen. he has figured out that these things he wants cannot be had for $200. i feel a pang of sympathy, then recall (out loud) that i only had one big birthday party growing up, as did most of the kids in my neighborhood. back in the days before parents had lost their minds.

he ended up having three boys over to spend the night. pizza, wii games, a late movie. to me, this is what a party should be. doable. we are not keeping up with the kardashians here.

anyhoo, back to the speaker lady. she encouraged us to get our kids to keep gratitude journals, and victory journals, and to write "101 wishes." this last one is where you brainstorm and write down 101 things that you really want, the first 30 or so of which come quickly and easily. then you start to have to think. that's when you get to the real stuff.

words are powerful things. and when you write them down, magical things can happen. years ago, i made a wish list. with pictures. i was very specific with what i wanted. every single "wish" came true, down to the picture of the two-story red brick house, which looks remarkably similar to the one we live in now.

anyway, here's the best part. i almost didn't go to this last seminar. then, i almost didn't fill out a door prize card. then, i almost left when she was done reading the winners. but something made me stay. then she realized she hadn't drawn for the grand prize, the winner of two private sessions with THIS MAGICAL WOMAN. want to guess whose name she read? that's right.

and just so you know, i had visualized having her all to myself.

the neat freak in me

i have always been extremely neat. as a child, i can remember going to the neighbor's houses to play and taking great delight in pulling everything out of their child's messy closet, and putting it all back in neatly.

my mother is an immaculate house keeper. meaning, she moves the furniture to vacuum. baseboards are part of her repertoire. she came by it honestly. her mother used to follow us grandkids around with a wet rag and an eagle eye. i am not clean, not like that. but my mother was not clutter free. and i am.

i don't judge others for being sloppy. not unless i live with them. i remember one time, visiting a favorite aunt, our dog went under her dresser and came out with a bar of soap in her mouth. this was hilarious and unimaginable to me. i loved it.

and i've had my share of not-so-neat roommates. one girl never unpacked the whole four or five months i lived with her. she didn't have a closet, so all her clothes stayed in huge moving boxes and she would just rummage around for something to wear.

another was an excellent cook, but would leave every dirty pot right where it cooked. for hours. overnight. until myself or the other roommate couldn't stand it anymore and would clean it. she boasted to me one time that growing up her mother never made her clean her room. i made a mental note of this. and now, 17 years later, a clean room is a requirement to live in this home.

if you are meticulously neat, you can't help it. it's just the way you were drawn. my husband's grandmother is the same way. she will tell me that she couldn't possibly go to bed if there was one dirty dish in her kitchen sink. i tell her that, well, i could. and frequently do. but, most everything else is in its place. a place for everything, and everything in its place.

one of my obsessions is homes that are beautifully done. i love them. i drink them in. i want to look at every single thing.

there is a woman, a friend of friends, who lives in my neighborhood. i had never met her but i had heard from several others that her home was amazing. to die for. this was pure torture for me, a thing of beauty so near, yet so far away.

somehow, i think our sons were on a baseball team together, i finally met her. and i made it my personal goal to find a way into her home. much like you do when you are in someone's home, and you say you need to use the restroom, so you can check that out, too. believe me, i know all the tricks.

well. she had a garage sale and told us - her new friends - that we could come by beforehand to check out the loot. because this woman's trash is everyone's treasure. this was jackpot for me. let me just tell you, she had me at the garage. it was painted green. the cabinets had fancy handles. the floor was spotless. i was like a burglar with a key and the passcode. i made it into the house.

it was all that. two staircases. the kitchen had a piano. not a detail overlooked. homey yet traditional. huge yet cozy. i picked out the room i would want to live in if she invited me to stay forever.

but, there were days - weeks even - that i would have also wanted to stay forever at my aunt's house, the one who loses bars of soap. why? because love lived there. and you could feel it.

when my husband and i were first married, we lived near rice university, and across the way from a very fancy neighborhood. we would go walking there at night, at twilight, when people's blinds were still open but they were beginning to close their homes up for night. not all of the homes were huge, and some of the smaller ones were way more charming. i'd see potted geraniums on a porch, or a cat in a window and i'd say, "look. love lives there." he'd laugh at me, but he knew what i meant.

and love appears in different forms. it's more of a feeling or a vibe that is transmitted. and for me, love is tidy. it is order.

so i won't judge you for being a slob. just don't judge me for following you around with a wet rag.